Made in the USA with the finest, 100% combed and ring-spun cotton. Weighing in at just 4.2 ounces, you'll run faster*, jump higher*, and up your cool factor by at least 50%*.
This armor of titans is made especially for you, with side seams with a retail fit, and shoulder to shoulder taping. (If you know what that means, you'll undoubtedly be impressed.)
If you're thinking about getting one for yourself, consider that all of your friends will both writhe in jealousy and bend their knee at your obvious eminence.
*These statements have not been substantiated by any governmental authority, but can you really trust them, anyway?